I've loved playing on the swings my whole life. But over the past decade, since I went through a relationship that can only be described as abusive on every level, playing on the swings has become, strangely enough, a symbol of freedom for me. Not just freedom from horrific relationships, but freedom from the demons that attach themselves to a person on any journey through hell.It was ten or eleven years ago that I finally got away from my ex, and it hadn't been easy. I walked my daughters to the elementary school and had enrolled Arielle in the first grade (we'd switched schools in the middle of the year as I didn't like the principal at the first school- that's another story though) when they saw the playground and begged to pay it a visit. I noticed they had swings, and off we went to indulge ourselves.
I had been away from my ex for only a few months. And when I started swinging, I realized that I had become afraid of heights. I'd never had that issue before that relationship. I forced myself to keep swinging- that bastard would not take every ounce of fun out of my life, especially when he's not even THERE.
I came to realize later that I had also become afraid of traffic, small spaces, and probably worst of all, people in general.
Getting over phobias isn't easy, but in the interest of not being a victim my whole life, I've worked hard on it. The problem with heights has all but disappeared- unless I attempt rock climbing. Got a little more work to do on that. I've learned through trial and error what kind of people I can trust, and now I have an active, happy social life. Still a tad emotional sometimes, though. The one I've had the most trouble with is claustrophobia. I simply cannot take enclosed spaces for very long.
I still have panic attacks now and then, but I'm learning how to change my thought patterns and make them stop. There's a lot of progress to be made. Still, I've gotten this far and I have no intention of slowing down.
If I ever need to remind myself why, all I need to do is find myself a swingset.
4 comments:
As a man, I am so ashamed of those who abuse women. Mentally, emotionally or physically. There is no excuse. And there is seldom, if ever, a reason. Any man who does that kind of thing is not worthy of the name. I only hope there's a special kind of abuse waiting for putz's like that when they go off to their just rewards.
I am so sorry you found one of those. We aren't ALL like that, I promise you.
I think that all of these people that are suckered into buying pharmecueticals for restless leg syndrome and phibromilagia should spend some time on a swing set. Might not help, but it couldn't hurt.
When ever my wife gets stressed out, she goes outside and blow bubbles. Gotta love a woman that can do that.
i kinda like hights myself, but i still cant take people for very long. that may be more of a growing up in the desert thing.
Lou- don't worry, I figured that out. It helps to have an awesome dad and a pretty cool brother. Wouldn't you know it, I found an amazing husband.
Lotus- Hmm. Bubbles. Those are pretty cheap in bulk, aren't they?
Jason- yeah, people suck a lot of the time. BTW loved the French game show on your page... scared me, though. Is Aristotle still considered modern theory there?
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